My son suffered from horrific migraine headaches when he was a youngster. So bad, that he was on Beta-Blockers, a class of medication commonly used for people with problems like hypertension and Atrial-Fibrillation. One of the side effects of the Beta-Blockers, is that they really sap your energy, and people tend to gain weight while on them. My son gained a lot of weight. By the time he was in 5th through 7th grade, he was “the fat kid” in his class. When you are going through the pain of being overweight, and the sometime object of derision, people come up with a lot of coping mechanisms. For Ian, he became the class clown.
On the first summer that he went to Japanese camp, Ian developed the nickname of “piggy”. One day, a kid was really riding him hard and giving him a lot of verbal abuse in front of the other kids. “Piggy, Piggy, Piggy…tell me, why are you SO FAT?” The way Ian told the story, he stood up to chest level to the harassing kid, and told him: “Well, every time I fuck your mother, she makes me a sandwich.” The other kids at camp thought this was funny as hell how Ian was able to zing this mean-spirited piece of shit. After that, he was more popular at camp.
Ian ended up getting more involved in sport, and one of the benefits of his trip to Japan, was he developed a real interest in nutrition. By the time he got to Japan, he was already pretty trim. Today, to look at him, you would never imagine him as being the fat kid who had to endure a lot of pain. I feel bad that I did not fully know just how much flak Ian took. It’s amazing how often our kids don’t tell us everything. But in the end, Ian not only got even with the verbally abusive kid, he also ended up with a really nice, pretty young woman who would be the mother of their child.
As I look at how things have worked out for my son, I am reminded of the line from the movie “Animal House”: Don’t get mad-get even.
I gotta tell you, when Ian told me that story, I laughed my ass off, too. My only regret is that it took about 9 years for me to hear about it.
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